October 11th, 2017

Replies to comments to "Coming-out (over)sensitivity"

Folks, my profuse apologies for my delay in replying to your comments on my asexuality post. It was a case of:

"O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! We passed the apartment inspection!"

And then, roughly five seconds later:

"We have bedbugs. Shoot."

So matters remain in crisis at my home; I'm not sure I've gotten a full night's sleep for the past month. (And the bedbugs ain't helping.)

A bright spot in all this was the outpouring of warmth that you gave me. It was especially nice to hear from folks whom I knew were out there (I can see your names on the People portion of my profile) but who I either hadn't heard from for a while or with whom I'd never had the chance to speak before.

Just one clarification I need to make, because I fear I misled some of you through the phrasing of my previous post of this: My previous post was the first time I'd actually said, "I'm coming out as asexual." The asexual folk I've interacted with previously either didn't know I was ace or didn't realize I was new to the community.

On to my replies!


Firecat wrote:

"I'm bi and nonbinary and maybe gray-a (haven't made up my mind about that)"

Me, I'm still trying to decide how to label the romance part of my asexuality. I mean, yes, I'm still capable of falling in love; it just doesn't mean much to me, in the grand scheme of things.

I fully understand that, for some people, being in love is a long-term, highly meaningful experience. And I find romantic love so fascinating that I wrote a fifty-page bachelor's thesis about romantic love. Also, I've written a few stories on the topic. :)

But falling in love is something that happens at the beginning of my relationships; my romantic feelings for the new person last roughly six months, and then the romantic feelings disappear. It's been this way all my life. Took me a while to figure out the pattern and to stop panicking when I reached the six-month mark. For me, love doesn't equal romantic love.

(This is why I always felt a bit awkward talking about my long-term "romantic friendship." Romantic feelings didn't enter into it, after the initial period.)


Ambitiousace wrote:

"I'm nonbinary and ace myself ((I'm not alone"

Oh, how cool! I seem to be racking up letters on the queer spectrum; what is surprising is how many other queer folk out there are doing the same. :)


Kjata wrote:

"I'm bi and have never felt a part of the LGBT parts of the internet because of how many times I've been told to either A) choose, or B) that I'm faking it for e-points"

As a formerly bisexual-identifying person, I can't decide whether they're just clueless that B isn't actually an insult of bisexuality. I mean, they think being bi is something trendy that you'd want to fake? (*Whips on sunshades and looks cool.*)

The rest - yeah, it's tedious that this sort of stereotyping of bisexuality is still taking place, nearly fifty years after Stonewall.


Schneefink wrote:

"*sends cookies*"

Gluten-free chocolate chip, please?


Rose Red wrote:

"(I hope) my web-pal."

One of my best. :)


Fawatson wrote:

"I say all this from the 'lofty position' of having realised many many moons ago (long before the internet got up and running) that I am better off as a singleton than trying to be part of a duo.... They didn't have internet communities for it back then"

Oh, you too? I'm pretty sure the asexual community was around by the time I started to label myself celibate (my initial label), but the nonbinary community was nowhere to be seen in 1997 when I realized that was what I was. I put off coming out as bigender/androgynous/queergender/nonbinary (the terminology kept changing) for quite a few years as a result. I wanted a support system, darn it.


Anonymous wrote:

"I am also aromantic, and demi-girl/agender."

(*Looks up definition of "demi-girl" and is enchanted.*) I mean, you even have your own flag! Do you mind if I ask what being a demi-girl is like for you?


Musicman wrote:

"You are a free range human being, Dusk."

Love that phrase. :)


Anais_pf wrote:

"BE YOU!"

:)


Maureen Lycaon wrote:

"And I accept you totally as that."

Always nice to hear from you! This showed up on my Twitter feed, and I thought of you quizzing me on why I'd made wolves the villains in one of my stories.

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